Posted on Thursday 15 September 2005
I have something that was Rick’s, a project thing. I had my heart set on owning it even before I knew Rick. He got it, now I have it. I’ve been on a mission to get the project off the ground, doggedly insisting I knew it would be expensive but no matter- I want this so I shall have it. Someone who knows alot about this kind of thing checked it out today and gave me a good idea what I’m getting into. really sucked because this person was my ex-boyfriend of 4 years in high school. As I began to fully grasp what he was telling me, tears were burning behind my eyes. There comes a point that you must admit the expense is too exuberant to entertain. Feels like I’m admitting defeat. I hate that.
couple hours later it dawned on me- I could move ahead with the project anyway. Could complete it time and time over again.
but it won’t bring Rick back. that’s what I’ve been holding such stock for- wasn’t about the project, was about the project bringing Rick back to me. After 2 years, I finally get it- nothing will bring him back. omg, I feel so alone. so fucking sad.
missing you.
loving you.
always,
me
Cat, restore the car! And just like everything else of his that now belongs to you, his spirit will live on in those things.
You don’t know how much your posts affect me. I would like nothing more than to give you a hug and tell you it will be alright. That wouldn’t help much, but maybe just maybe it would let you know that you aren’t alone.
Ditto.
And I think I owe you a hug, anyway.