Posted on Saturday 17 September 2005
I’m ?embarrassed? that you turned to her and away from me without so much as a backward glance.
Not because I thought I was better than her – but because I thought I was more to you.
Not that either of us could be much in such a short time.
I feel stupid that I valued you both so highly but was worth so little to either of you.
Is she prettier?
sexier?
wonder if you laughed at me, my gullibility, naivete’, my stupidity….
will you read this and laugh again?
wishing more than ever I’d been with Rick
wish I was with him now.
tired of being the mark-
tired of being naive’ and stupid.
tired of sounding pathetic like I do right now.
most of all tired of
hurting
hurting
hurting
all the fucking time.
tired of being tired huh baby…me too.
It hurts to feel decieved and used. Its sad to think that someone you care for could fuck you over so easily, because they are weak behind something they think they are controling , but really can’t. It would be so fucking nice to have someone you can talk to, someone who will hold you and make you feel good and be sincere about it. Someone who will have no inhibitions about anything that two people can do in bed together to make each other feel good. Someone who even if you can’t be together every day, will make you feel secure enough so there is never any doubt about their loyalty or fidelity. I am not so conceited as to think its always their fault. Seems like everyone is always on the defensive from the start. It would be so nice to just be able to enjoy life with someone without all the suspicions and doubts and mistrust. It is still possible isn’t it?
Yes.