Posted on Sunday 25 September 2005
click to play…..
because there’s got to be a when his being gone doesn’t consume my thoughts right? everyone keeps GD saying there’s a when but I don’t feel any closer to it. I close my eyes and his face is looking back at me, I open them and his voice is in my head-I love you – I miss you always always always and it’s making me fucking crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to say if I was going crazy I wish it would just happen because maybe at least in my mind we’d be together again. Then I stopped because I thought oh my god, what if my crazy place is reliving that morning over and over and over again. But now that doesn’t seem so bad because at least I would only be a few hours away from having seen him and talked to him and touched him. Even that is better than this – I can’t take much more of this. just want it to stop now please please make it stop
I don’t think you’ll find your “when” until you have tied up the mess with the police dept. That keeps you tethered to the past. Hang in there and know that there are people pulling for you.