2 With Spirit

If my husband’s death had been the result of assailants- I would have been given the opportunity to make a victims impact statement. But because his death was the result of actions by a police department, I’ll never get to talk to those who I feel are as responsible for his death as he was. But if I could, this is what I would say-

Do you ever think about me? Because I think about each of you everyday. Do you wonder how I fill my days since my husband was killed? Can you even begin to comprehend how the choices you made on the morning of October 25 have affected my life? I think about it every single day- and I exist- note I say exist- because that is all I do anymore- not live, but exist. I think about the fact that you had a choice that morning- when faced with the fact that Rick was not going to stop- you had a choice to continue your pursuit or back off.

“We knew this guy. We knew this guy.” You repeated this over and over during the weeks following Rick’s death. Your very own words amplify the vile and repulsive motivation behind your actions. You’re right, you did know him. And you knew you could stop the pursuit and pick him up at his house later that day. But that wouldn’t be good enough would it? You wanted to “get him” -catch him and teach him a lesson didn’t you? So you made the decision to continue your pursuit -”the thrill of the chase” over-powered your concern for the safety of other motorists, Rick’s safety, even your own safety. Rick shouldn’t have run – we all know that. He made an irrational and irresponsible decision. You, on the other hand are police officers- sworn to uphold the law and protect the citizens of this city – we rely on – depend on you to access situations and make responsible, rational decisions concerning the safety of everyone involved. Do the words, defuse the situation mean anything to you? Or is it simply a quest to feed the ego, fuel the fire, -apply pressure, push. push. push? Is a moot question I guess, when you can hide behind your badges rather than take responsibility for the outcome… And that is the frustration I live with everyday- and the guilt that eats at my soul because Rick’s death was so smugly swept under the carpet and I can do nothing about it because the men responsible are cops.

Have you thought about the last moments of Rick’s life? Can you imagine your life being snuffed out – your last moments filled with panic and fear? During those last few seconds of his life- did he think about his 4 children, his 10 month old baby girl, his wife? Or was he so terrified he couldn’t think at all? Can you tell me if he was still conscious when his head was pinned between the street and his vehicle as it skidded across the pavement? Do you know if he heard his own neck snap, or his back break, or each of his ribs break? Was he aware enough to feel the many “contusions and lacerations” of his heart, or his arms and legs as the bones were crushed?

………….now think about your husband or wife and living with the knowledge that this is how they died….can you imagine it? I don’t have to – because this is my reality – every minute, of every hour, of every single day.